Monday, December 20, 2004

Creme Brulee

I am a little embarrassed to admit that I never tried creme brulee before this weekend. I made the mistake of thinking it was just like flan since it looks so similar, so I never got around to ordering it. OH MY GOD. Food has never affected me this much. Something broke inside me. I couldn't quite catch my breath, I started to laugh because I thought I might be losing my mind, and tears gathered in my eyes. I am aching for more right now.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A freaking sonnet

Last night I drank Schlitz with my feet tucked up,
and listened to Etta James sing "At last."
It was a right jolly holly day sup,
the lights were low, reflecting off the glass.

We pulled glass angels out of their papers,
lining them up on the angel table.
Behind them rose golden tower tapers,
dripping wax down their wrapping cables.

The complications of a chocolate blintz,
with cognac-soaked blackberries on the top,
were pondered by my tongue until I winced
and had to beg the blintz to kindly stop.

The blintz had a mind of its own and played,
until my sappy heart had sorely paid.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Last night on the subway

There was this gorgeous tall man on the subway last night. He was joking around with his friend and then his friend got off. Now was my chance! I ventured eye contact. Then I thought he was laughing at me because I had glanced at him eight times in two minutes. I couldn't stop looking. He was carrying a musical instrument which means he could be in a band which is good for him, but maybe not for me, because band guys are sometimes not so prone to relationships. And he and I are destined for that, so I hope he doesn't go in kicking and screaming, by the way. I want to kick myself when I sound so much like Bridget Jones. In any case, he wasn't laughing. He was laughing at the hearing impaired man a few seats over. Not because the man was deaf, mind you, but because he was being purposefully entertaining, which is a relief on a tiring subway ride at the end of a depressing day. The deaf guy was enthusiastically signing to Tall-hottie and Tall-hottie seemed to understand every word, even though he didn't ever use sign language himself. Then, he got off the train and kind of pounded his heart, like "peace bro" to the deaf man. It was really touching, that's all I'm saying.
I don't ever do any "linkiness" for the readers of this blog. Sorry. I just want to sometimes tell a story to the world. Lucky world!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Top ten reasons to just get pizza in the end

1. Tastes right
2. Fills up
3. Is not a salad
4. Will not leave you regretting the nasty corn chowder you just ate
5. Will not leave you wondering if you actually ate, or was that Sushi imaginary
6. Most people can be easily convinced of its merits
7. the texture and style
8. easy to walk with
9. its everywhere
10. cheap

Apparently I'm in a deeply introspective and analytic mood today.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I don't have anything interesting to write about today. I am excited to get out of here and go buy foodstuffs for Thanksgiving. It is my job to plan the holiday party and get people to sign up to bring in treats for the month of December. And this from the girl who made a point of never introducing herself to anybody in her dorm in college. When I was a freshmen I would go to parties with my friends and lie about everything: "I used to be a stripper, my name is Candy." My favorite one was when I convinced someone that I had auditioned to be the mascot for the football games: "Even though the costume is designed for a tall, muscular man, they liked my moves so much that they said they would tailor it to fit me. I didn't make the final cut, though." The whole thing was bought hook, line and sinker. I don't have very bad behavior generally. But sometimes I still go through these rebellious periods. In my senior year of college, I got really sick of going to class and writing papers, so I started showing up really late and chewing huge wads of bubble gum. One time I got in trouble for reading the newspaper in class, mostly because I had it completely open and in front of my face, not even trying to hide it. The teacher said, "Is there something in that paper you'd like to share with the class?" And like a Christian Slater character I actually paused, because everything in the paper was more interesting and worth sharing than the load of recycled hash she was mumbling at us.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Shine on you crazy diamond

I just got back from my grandmother's memorial service. There were several family members slotted to speak in the "remembrances" section, but nobody was prepared for the length and breadth of my grandfather's eulogy. He had notecards. He started at the beginning, which was actually the months and days leading up to when he first met my grandma. He continued through their entertaining and highly detailed first encounter, and on to the next day, and the second date, and all the dates thereafter.... including their wedding, births of their children, and after 1 and a half hours, he said "The year was now 1959." I passed through many stages: Obvsiously tears and laughter caused by the stories themselves, but also amazement, laughter again, awe, impatience, and then a sort of zen-like state, where I told myself "I might still be here, sitting here in this pew, tomorrow." All in all, I'm glad he spent so much time. There shouldn't be a limit.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Lucinda Grande

Lucinda Grande. When I woke up I wanted to go back to sleep. When I left my house I told my roommate I just wanted to come home after work and watch movies all night. Then I got to work and started e-mailing people and realized that if something fun came up, I would do that instead of renting videos. For lunch I went to La Bumba, a mexican restaurant I frequent. My coworker and I had margaritas and I had chicken chimichangas. I am about to go get coffee which I don't usually drink. I used to be addicted. My coworker told me this ghost story about a sleeping ghost. That's funny. He wasn't even there to haunt her. She thought she heard heavy breathing behind her and turned around and it was just a sleeping irridescent ghost. And when she told her mother about it, her mom said "oh yeah, that's probably uncle so-and-so." I don't know about ghosts. I knew a guy once who said he didn't believe in anything mysterious. Everything can be explained scientifically, he said. But he had a tattoo on his arm that said "Go down believing." I thought, maybe he meant that if you believe, "you're going down." But he said it meant believing in something else. "What?" I said, ever innocent, and he said "like believing in doing good, doing the right thing," in his lilting Swedish accent. Something I noticed on my walk back from the restaurant, passing the WTC site: They have now displayed the iron cross they discovered in the wreckage. It sits in concrete, towering over the site, with a piece of melted metal wrapped around one of its arms like fabric. It is spooky. Then I crossed Church street and realized its not called synogogue street or mosque street. And then a cold finger wiggled up my spine, which may or may not have been a ghost. It also could have been that ever-sneaking suspicion that I am a cog in a very evil, evil machine.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

R Kelly lyrics

Ya know how R Kelly says "after the party is the afterparty"? And then he says"after that is the hotel lobby?" Well for me, it goes "after that is the Q train running in two sections, the second section departing Atlantic-Pacific at 1:30 a.m. packed full to standing room only. And by "room" I mean no room. Speaking of "standing room only," this show that I am in on Saturday just might get past maximum capacity. And then there will surely be a fire. This place is a basement. Very, very deep in the ground. We will all just roast in it like an oven. And now I'm reminded of that hilarious Onion article about the dance club that burned to the ground. The article stated that a good samaritan tried to warn the dancers by shouting at the crowd "The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!" But all they did was call back to him "We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn!" Random event: Arriving late at work this morning, I passed a man delivering boxes and smiled kindly at him. He said "I would let you buy me coffee, but I'm busy." I just stared at him. Then I started laughing on the elevator.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

sooz is here

SOOZ IS FINALLY ARRIVED! This is the former hilarityensooz site which featured a mountain-topping post of 1 which read "Welcome." Blogging is not so hard, but if you forget your password, and have changed your e-mail address since your initial post, you have to create a new one. Also, here are some other reasons I haven't blogged so much until now:
1. Is blogging sacred enough? I mean writing is really sacred. Not the oldest profession, though. That's prostitution.
2. Who is going to read this? Will somebody be reading my innermost thoughts? Isn't that pretty damn close to prostitution?
3. Why am I so afraid of prostitution? Why don't I just strike out in my heels and make a buck?
4. What if I am boring. Well, this one is probably true. I recommend you never ever coming back to this blog ever again, because you, the reader, will probably totally die of boredom. Totes.
5. If I squirt my excellent writing out now, will I be less likely to publish it in a real endeavor like a book? Oh, the pain of living. But we've got to go on working, Masha, always working.
6. I hate the sound of my clever voice. Why can't I be funny without sounding like a piss-ant?