There is a facilities guy emptying water from the ceiling in one of the conference rooms. Its sort of a biweekly thing, where he has to get on a ladder and pour buckets full of water out into a big tub. I'm sure there's a nautical term for when you have to do that to a boat. Or even a chanty about it? In any case, I think its funny that this is their way of dealing with what is obviously a building repair issue.

Here is what Holiday Mathis says to everyone today (not specifically Capricorns):
"Venus, the planet of love and beauty, is pulling as far away from Uranus as her orbit will allow. Or is it Uranus that escapes the seduction of Venus by fleeing? It's as though Uranus knows something we don't about the nature of romance and chooses to observe the interaction from afar. You might do the same and come to a key realization."

Hehe. Uranus. Venus must be pulling away from Uranus for some reason. Did you have beans for lunch? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Holiday Mathis always his different colored eyes in that picture.

This is a still from the classic film "short circuit." Please note that the open car trunk in the background says "Babies" on it. I thought it was a bit meta, like warning the viewer, "what will happen when robots have babies?" or "this is what Johnny 5 is subconsciously hungry for." But T James proposed that the decision went something like this:


"I think someone was like, how do we make this a scary neighborhood? And some dood was like let's put babies on the trunk so they think that's where babies go."

Kat's guest post

Today just a little something from the famous filmmaker, Kat Parker. Who also happens to be my buddy-bud from high school:

i was at starbucks the other day, and this mini-woman cut ahead of me and Elizabeth and so Elizabeth was like "um, excuse me, we were in line here." The short little indian woman whipped around and stared up at us and said in an angry voice: "someone is very sick, and I need a frappuccino right away." And i was thinking to myself- were those two seperate statements? like "there are children starving in Africa, and i need an iced mocha"? or was she actually suggesting that there are medicinal properties in starbucks' frappuccino? either way, we laughed in her face, then Elizabeth was like "well i need my decaf, get in line." and the lady got all huffy. we wanted to trail her to see if the frappuccino was actually for someone else, or if she took sips off it, but we lost her in the crowd. arg!

Katie, Katie, Katie

I love you for this sort of thing. In a W magazine interview, Katie said...

"Tom is the most incredible man in the world."

So, I've compiled a list of other men in the world who apparently fall just short of the mark....

The Dalai Lama
Nelson Mandela
Lance Armstrong
My dad
Jimmy Carter
Xi Shun
The Pope
Firemen
Kofi Annan

....and I'm sure you can think of a few more. Unless that's it. There's probably only a few who are more incredible than Tom Cruise. I've stuck to the living ones, for all our sakes.

Where the pigeons go to die

My workpal and I spent a good half hour of our lunch discussing why we never see dead pigeons. Finally, Jeeves and the very realistic T. James of the Jolly Roger Orchestra informed me that the dying pigeons crawl under things to die and get eaten by rats and other grossies very quickly. However, Workpal and I decided it was much more fun to imagine the following...

1. Pigeons bury their dead and hold little funerals
2. Pigeons tie weights to their ankles and jump off cliffs into the East River when its time to go.
3. Pigeon cremation, duh
4. Pigeons march down into subway tunnels in straight lines and Karenina themselves onto the tracks.

Vogue Italia's Anna Piaggi

Officially a secretary

I bought a plant for my desk.

KALANCHOE BLOSSFELDIANA ENTRETIEN.

aka Prudence.

printer baby

I am sad and scared right now. A coworker's treatment of a "broken" printer is akin to someone being too rough with my pet.

I have to sit right next to the poor machine as she "assesses" (hits) the machine and announces to everybody that the "toner's low" even though it isn't. I can't step in and save the thing, because it would be a clear indication of how little trust I have in her "fixing" skills.

However, the more she gets her fingers in there, opening doors and talking to herself, the more work I will have to do to actually fix the damn thing.

I have to wait though. I send messages to the printer through telekinesis, whispering things like "I know, I know. It's just a paper jam. I'll be there soon."

I can almost assess what is wrong with it by her mutterings anyway, and I know in a couple of minutes she'll be standing behind me at my cubicle asking me to call "facilities" to fix the printer. Because she obviously thinks that if she can't fix it, we need to bring in the professionals. ("Facilities," by the way, fixes electricity and plumbing; not printers).

Recently, on an airplane back from the midwest, a baby was crying really really loud for at least 45 minutes. Instead of cooing, gently bouncing, singing softly, or FEEDING the child, its mother chose smothering and slapping.

Coworker, and Airplane Medea, here are some bits of advice....

1. The machine/baby is not your enemy
2. It is not trying to humiliate you.
3. The world and all its other people can help you with your "problem"
4. Consider the fragility of what you are working with
5. Ask yourself, "what is this thing made of?"
6. Understand that, just like you, the baby/machine needs help and attention.
7. The world only disapproves of what you are doing, not of the fact that the baby/machine is crying/broken.

Highlights

1. Due to the current "water scare," there's a sign on the office bathroom with warnings and guidelines. But the most specific, and the one that JUMPED off the page at me, was....

"Avoid sexual practices that may result in exposure to feces."

2. I was walking towards a stationary pigeon who decided he/she was ready to get up and fly away. It started flapping off the ground. I assumed it had experience doing this since it was a pigeon, so I just kept walking towards it. "That bird will soon realize it needs to move aside," I told myself. But instead the bird just flipped out. The poor thing just panicked and start flapping mid air, right in front of me. Then it was trying to pick a direction and changing its mind, so essentially it was staying in the same place. I FELT the bird's panic. But I still kept walking towards it because I thought "things like this happen in New York all the time. I just have to stay the course. I have just as much right to be here as the pigeon, and I even have to go to work, while the pigeon just has to perch somewhere, make a white doodie, and consider eating more garbage." I felt the windstorm generated from its beating wings. And then it was gone.

3. I swear to Gah I saw a Nazi on the train this morning. It was only a glimpse because he was in a subway car alone and the train rushed past the platform without stopping. But he was seriously dressed in a dark green wool uniform circa 1940 and was carrying a riding whip! I was starting to feel like I was in "Master and Margarita" and evidence of the devil was appearing all over the city. Then I thought, "maybe I'm just developing schizophrenia," and oddly enough, that wasn't a comforting thought. When you're already tired, depressed, and angry and then you get the notion that you're also going insane, it doesn't improve the mood.