My crazy night

I used to be a world-famous crimefighter. I lived on an island with many confusing and intertwining roads. I drove a beat-up old purple junker of a car, sort of hooptie style, and instead of getting to the crime scenes on time, I mostly drove around getting lost. Everything in the city was very old and reminiscent of a mining town that’s seen many industries boom through it. There was a Submarine system for mass transit below all the canals and rivers. The submarines were very old and made from yellow-painted aluminum. There were abandoned carwashes with big, rusty, cartoon characters everywhere. I was always getting caught on one-ways and having to try to turn around in the parking lots of abandoned motels, etc. The whole time I would be talking to something like a camera or an interviewer about my lifestyle. Then, I realized I had to get home to relieve the babysitter. I have a couple of daughters or one daughter who is always having a slumber party. I don't know.
I live on the top of a mountain in a top-secret location with a lot of security. Or rather, its “supposed” to be really high security but its actually a rickety gate with one guard. Apparently there are a lot of guards but all they do is mill about. So last night, when I got home, I told the camera and interviewer, who is always following me around, that the first thing I do when I get home is inspect the evidence again. The current crime I’m working on has something to do with a Discman. So one of my guards handed me this beat-up old Discman with a CD in it. “This is the killer’s Discman,” I said, “and it contains clues about where his next victim is going to be.” So we listened to the CD. It was a young teenage boy’s voice. He was clearly crazy; it was a ramble of thoughts that sounded schizophrenic. But I sat there trying to decipher all the meanings in it for a really long time. I don’t remember much of the specifics but it was stuff like “The toast is buttery…My friend Rob is a simulation machine…grand staircase….orange eye.” And then I sat there and went “Rob is to orange as buttery is to machine” and tried to make sense of all that. It went on for a long time.
Then I went to my apartment in the city. I am a babysitter for the spookiest family. They have all these rules about where lights can be on in the house, and what kind of activities their baby can do, especially when she’s around electricity. Their house has all these hidden nooks and hallways, and they actually change. Like you’ll walk down a hall towards a door and then you’ll get there, and instead of the door, the little girl is sitting on the floor in front of you. She’s blonde and adorable but has a really creepy smile. I get the feeling that sometimes she is the little girl and sometimes the parents have found a way to watch me from inside of her. At one point I had to go to the bathroom, so I said, “I can’t leave you on the couch alone, you have to wait for me right outside the bathroom door." When I entered the bathroom the lights were on but suddenly she was sitting on the toilet behind me and the lights had turned out. I got a little scared and moved out of the bathroom. I looked back really quickly and she was reaching out for me with her hand like a claw. It happened in a blink of an eye and then things were suddenly normal and she was chatting to me about something very childlike and innocent. Then I found myself back in the bathroom, even though I thought I had left. And the lights were back on. She didn't have a claw anymore. At one point she was watching TV on the couch, and she had to sit very close to the TV. I walked behind the TV into the other room and she flipped out on me, screaming and throwing a tantrum. When I looked at the room I was about to enter, I saw that it was dark and there were shapes of people moving about in the darkness. Soon I discovered a really fun game that became her favorite. It was basically to pretend like we were being electrocuted. We lay on the floor and convulsed our bodies. I found it to be very pleasurable because the hyper-activity caused my body to be very warm. For the same reason, the little girl liked the game. We spent like fifteen minutes convulsing on the brightly lit kitchen floor. I started to feel like such a successful babysitter.