Pye Love Me

Pye love me

She can’t help it. She’s trying to be all “Cat” on me, but then I’m all Holly Golightly on her. And she’s all “fine, then I’ll just keep clawing at this rug over here” and I’m all “Do what you like. I’m going to bed.” And she’s all “Okay…but you know whats coming at 5 a.m.” and I’m all “yeah, about that- what is WRONG with you?” And she’s all “What? I just like running around like crazy and knocking things down and just generally expressing myself in loud ways at 5 a.m.” And I’m all “I’m gonna put you downstairs then” And she’s all “But look at me. I’m so cute and little. Don’t you think you should feed me more?” and I’m all “but look, you have food in your dish” and she’s all “not FRESH food. Besides I like clawing up this rug right here, I’m not hungry.

THEN, I’m all “I’ve got an idea. C’mere Pye! (holding nail clippers behind my back) and she’s all “What? Fun times in bed? Wheee!” and that’s when I’m all “Yeah, lets cuddle. What beautiful paws you have. Can I just hold one for a little while?” And she's all “sure whatever” and we did a really good job with the back legs. But the FRONT legs came along and she was all “rrrrrrrr (like it started in hell)rrrRRRRRrrawRRRooooo” and I was all “that’s ok baby, we’re gonna get through this together” and she was all “I don’t THINK so” and she started kicking and squirming but I held fast.

And that’s when I stooped to a whole new level and started singing “Ol’ Man River” because she likes when I sing to her. And I am not fucking with you, it WORKED! For a second. We got through almost all of them until….

She bit my nipple. Its not nice, you guys. Every chick likes a little nibble, but not a full on fang in the tit. That is just not nice. So I sort of threw her a little bit. And she was all “ooooo look at me! I land on all four feet! I have nine lives!” And I was all, “yeah yeah thank me later.” And she was all, “probably I WON’T and I will still wake up at 5 a.m. and act out Vietnam for you in the living room” and she left my bedroom. And then I was like “Pyyyyyyye. Pyyyyyyyye” and she didn’t come. I was sad but guess what, ya’ll?

This morning there was no rampage. See, I think she really did need her claws clipped, and she just didn’t know how to tell me. And then guess what she DID do this morning? I woke up and she was sleeping on my neck. Now that is just cute.