Monday, February 14, 2005
"Are you pregnant?"
Note to the world: If you are not SURE that a woman is pregnant, do not ask her if she is. Just let her continue on, let her pass you by, and assume that the bulge is an adorable little paunch. Why would you want to know if a complete stranger is pregnant, anyway? Are you taking a survey?
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5 comments:
You're right Sooz: 9 times out of 10 they are not pregnant.
I'll be sitting or standing somewhere, or walking through the food court at the Mall of America, and I'll see a woman with a little paunch and say to myself, "that woman looks to be with child."
I'll walk up to the woman, place my hand gently on her seemingly swollen womb, and smile.
"You are truly blessed," I will say.
"What?" the woman---or thugged out 15 year old girl holding a shopping bag from Gadzooks in one hand and a chili cheese fry in the other---will say.
"Soon you will be a mother," I say, "and you will give the greatest gift in all of God's universe, the gift of life. You probably won't need to gain anymore weigh, either."
It's usually at this moment that I find out (in a litnay of wildly violent statements) that the woman is not about to experience glory of being with child.
So heed Sooz's commandment! Thou shall not comment on a woman's paunch!
LOL, too funny T James! Too funny!
Oh T James! I believe we will be meeting in NYC this weekend.... Today I've pulled my turtle-neck sweater over my face to block out the office-farts being released. People pass and look at me suspiciously but I just return their glare. It was probably them that did it anyway. But they're probably one of those idiots who DOESN'T KNOW when they've farted. Whats with THOSE PEOPLE?
You're right that it is a tactless question to pose but still I must confess that I do feel an overwhelming urge to keep track of my illegitimate children. In my world, every paunch is a possible child-support payment.
Ok, Anonymous, you're allowed to ask people you've had unprotected sex with if they're pregnant. If you insist.
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