What Will Probably Happen To Me

I am convinced there is a room somewhere, in the basement of one of the company’s buildings, where all the sensorship people sit, going through all our e-mails and instant messages. There is, almost certainly, a certain sensorship guy, who has noticed the content of some of my interoffice instant messages. But since he is a decent guy who hates his day job, he is not reporting me. He most likely looks a little bit like this. He probably finds my gossip and somewhat inappropriate discussions extremely interesting, and follows my life like a soap opera story. He is probably, in his quiet little way, falling slowly but surely in mad, mad love with me. He also happens to be a novelist and his best friend, a quirky sidekick type, happens to be a publisher. They are probably going to publish my IM’s in a book, but not on the sly. The publishing of the book (undoubtedly the most famous piece of literature of this decade) will act as an invitation to meet with him for martinis some time, in a no-name bar where the bartender knows his name and knows my favorite drink. It is there that he will simultaneously A)announce plans to share the proceeds with me 50/50 and B) begin to date me. Soon enough, the film version of our story will be nominated for an academy award. Having co-written and co-starred, we will be nominated quadrupley, and when we win, he will propose marriage onstage at the Academy Awards. This will probably happen. Its just a matter of time.