New Mission

I know it has been a really long time since I posted. I've been trying to figure out what funny is, and its sometimes fun but other times it sucks. Here are some things that have happened to me recently that I thought were funny...

1. Lily Dale. Lily Dale is a real town in upstate New York. In order to buy realty there you have to be a medium, psychic, or spiritual healer of some kind. We decided to take a road trip up there and found out that connecting with the spirit world is actually just like any other job. They were closed on Labor Day. The whole town except for two psychics who were booked all day. So we wandered around through their little village. The roads are so tiny there they have golf carts. And they all buy into that "Glinda the good witch" school of design. Angel dolls, crystals, etc. I was hoping we'd find the bad witch amongst all of them but apparently their main belief is that the world is good and the spirits wish to do us no harm. Then we found their BBQ. The whole town was having a picnic and we weren't invited. I started to really get mad at those psychics. I wanted some sweet grandmother to waddle over to me just because she could see so clearly that I needed some answers. But it didn't happen. It made me not want to believe. But I did buy a book about Lily Dale in the Crystal Cove shop and after reading about it, I think I want to go back. P.S. I'm also a fan of all the tricks the fake psychics used to do, like "spirit cabinets" where they just hid a person in the cabinet and the person made sounds and somehow that convinced a visitor that there were spirits in there.

2. I watched a Richard Pryor DVD. I think we're supposed to be inspired by people who were so awesome at what they did. But I'm just scared shitless. He was so good its insane.

3. Pye (the cat) likes sleeping under my bedcovers. Its cute when she does that because then its like having a little baby in my arms. It doesn't last long, however, and I finally figured out why she does it. Because she doesn't like the fan. And last night she decided "if you can't hide from it, play with it," which in this case meant "go over the bed, go under the bed, go over the bed, go under the bed" because that way she was tricking the moving air. I don't know. Since I have an imagination, and I happen to have just finished reading a book about spirits, I decided she was playing tag with a ghost, not the fan. Even though I knew it was the fan, I decided there was a chance it was a ghost. And if that was the case, it was only a matter of time before the ghost made itself known to me. And I really couldn't handle that, so I put Pye out of the room.

4. There are some things I hate about my neighborhood. Number one is the eurotrash fashion of the middle aged Polish women. Number two is the truck brigade. Number three is the barking dog, who I'm pretty sure has stopped barking now because his owner is abusing him, so now I sort of want him to start barking again just so I know he's alive. Number four is the hipsters. Number five is the bus that never runs.

5. My dad is a talker. So am I. Last night I told him we both can really talk. He said "I'm not as bad as my brother Dave!" I said thats true but Dave isn't as bad as grandpa was, and I'm not as bad as you are. The pattern is it gets worse with age.

6. My friend and I were at a show a few weeks ago. She turned her cell phone off. Like you do. In the middle of the play everybody heard somebody in the audience making a phone call on speakerphone. Not a phone RINGING, but a phone CALLING someone. Then an answering service picked up and it was her boyfriend's outgoing message. She jumped and turned it off. This means that her phone was sound asleep, woke up, grew arms, turned itself on, pressed speaker phone, dialed a number, and pressed send.