Shallow dreams and the disappointing midwest H&M

So I have had some pretty crazy dreams before. But never in my life have I experienced such a series of boring, shallow, and somewhat pop-culture induced dreams as the last few nights.

I had one where I was picking out healthy snacks for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson. I was walking around a deli putting cottage cheese and immaculately selected berries into two little plastic cartons. See that is so disappointing to me. Usually MK and Ashley would only appear as grandmothers, telling me my cousin's head is in the toilet. Instead I'm just going "no this strawberry is not as big as the other," and tenderly nestling it further down into the curds.

Things got a little better last night when I had a dream that Oprah Winfrey tied a hook to my ankle and chased me around in a swimming pool with her entire audience swimming after her. She was the one to catch me (with her mouth) and she held on as I tried to swim away. I turned to my friend in the dream and said "of course Oprah would be the one to catch me. She would never orchestrate this whole thing and then let some audience member do the catching."

Although I would like to think I am not so shallow in my unconscious psyche, I have no problem admitting there are some very stupid things that I care very much about in my waking life. In this case: H&M. I went to the one at the Mall of America today and was so alienated I wanted to leave. You see someone at H&M thought that midwestern girls would not be interested in the fun styles that the NYC girls like, so they've filled the MOA store with the fashion sense of Contempo Casuals. I was actually confused. I wanted to make a big show of walking back out of the store, looking at the sign, walking back in and asking someone who works there: "Excuse me, but is this H&M?" and then using sign language and volume to express that they probably didn't understand. H&M? Because I know H&M isn't quality or anything, but it at least could provide an alternative to everything else that is offered here. Someone made a bad business choice. They could have had something here, and intead they've got nothing. They made a safe, sad choice and I am mad. I will have to buy all my clothes from Anthro and Urban and various vintage stores. But there is no longer a cheap boutique to buy cool striped t-shirts in the summer. BOOOOOO.

Sinking in

Two things happened at the exact same time today.

1. It sunk in that astronauts wear diapers.
2. I realized there was no way I will ever be an astronaut.

Some people think one day we'll take Moon Tours, or even set up civilizations on other planets, etc.. They clearly forgot about riding in a closed space for days with the overwhelming aroma of human feces.

Hexendrucken

I'm doing some "research" right now on wikipedia. I call anything on the internet research. I'm reading about sleep paralysis. The scientific explanation made a lot of sense. Basically some neuron inhibitors get involved to prevent the body from enacting the dream activity. But things got really interesting when I got to the cultural references. Almost every single "folk" (does folk just mean "olde"?) culture in the world believes sleep paralysis has something to do with evil spirits pressing on you.

Chinese: Ghost press bed; Mexico: dead climbing on top; Laotian: Ghost silencing you;

But my favorite one? German. Hexendrucken (with an umlaut over the u). And it means "witch pressing." Those germans, they just get right to the point. They're saying basically "sleep paralysis" means "be very afraid."

When science has an answer that every single culture in the world eschews in the name of a ghost explanation, what is going on there?

Next topic...
I'm getting ready to move from New York, and trying to get some very important things done. Number one on my list is afternoon tea at the Plaza. The website says "jeans are tolerated." so I won't be wearing jeans. I know what "tolerated" means to the richy riches. It means "seriously frowned upon." I'm very excited to act fancy.

Also...
There is one elderly friend of mine who I have been helping for several years. Every Saturday I go and buy her groceries and do her laundry. Basically, she is very unhappy about me "abandoning" her. But somehow, her guilt trips have become much less painful as they have become the end of her every sentence. "Did you check the date on the milk? Oh what am i gonna do without you." and then two seconds later: "I told Pete at the Diner that you're leaving (oh what am I gonna do without you, my whole life is changing, everybody leaves me) and he said to wish you good luck." Its sad, but now its just like breathing for her. It softens the blow to both of us I think.