I hardly slept last night because Pye insisted on being outside of my room, fighting and running around. And then she insisted on being inside my room. And then back out again. Also she was experimenting with the percussive qualities of litter and box.

But I did manage to have a dream where I worked at a radio station and the boss insisted on decorating the radio station excessively in Christmas decorations. Like our desks were buried in fake snow mountains that had trains running through them. She was big, blonde, and was having a noisy, giggly affair with a much smaller man from the station. She gave me tickets to a dance performance called "The Entrap Dancements."

Float like a butterfly, Sting like Pye

My roommate has a cat named Tye. And I have a cat named Pye. Seriously. (These were their names before we even met each other.) Tye is very large and the whole apartment is his. Pye is tiny and has only my room to herself.

So my roommate just told me what she saw last night. She was watching the two cats pawing at each other from under the door. Then she saw Pye's paw come all the way under the door. Tye backed up, took a running start, and threw all his weight against the door, causing it to open! And without a second's hesitation, Pye came out swinging and clawing, and just walloped Tye right on the side of the face. He was completely shocked by it, and backed off. Then Kelly closed the door.

Now don't get me wrong. I still believe in non-violence when it comes to humans. But i'm so proud of her! Pye is scrappy! She came out swinging. She's like the Ali of catboxing!

Blogging about cats.

I may not have a science degree, but I know water doesn't expand

Ice expands.

So explain my cubicle neighbor's "theory" to me:

"He said he needs it by 11:15, so I told him that means its 10:00 now, we've got an hour and 15 minutes. ITS THE WATER THEORY! You see, water expands, so its like that time is filled with water and water's got give. Its got room, see. Room to grow."

Seriously, this neighbor of mine has said some crazy things, but usually they have a trace of sanity. A trace.

Where's Sooz?

Soozercising? No. Pressing the Sooz button on her alarm clock? I wish.

Have you all been wondering where Sooz is? All billion of you? Well, as a 50-year-old famewhore would say, I'm still here damnit. I've just been busy and when faced with the prospect of blogging about things, the things seemed either:

1. Boring
2. Stupid
3. Too revealing

I could talk about yoga! There are several teachers at my studio. One is the gentle one who focuses on alignment. She's my favorite. Then there's the athletic one who shouts the positions like a flight attendant: "aaaand downward facing dog!"
My least favorite one is the one who I'm pretty sure is a con-artist. This is the girl who probably went to one yoga class, realized she could teach it, and faked a resume. All so that her boyfriend could rifle through our stuff while we innocently stretched. Or at least thats what I was imagining the whole time; not very relaxing. Its just that I've never had an instructor tell us to jump straight from tabletop to downward facing dog. Also she kept forgetting what the poses were called! Ridiculous.
The other thing about this girl was that she was too needy. She greeted us each individually and made us sit closer to her b/c she "won't bite." Either she needed to gain our trust whilst her boyfriend rifled, or she was severely insecure. I just don't want to be worrying about my instructor's self esteem during Vinyasa.
And yesterday there was one who sang. She just broke into song. I guess this is common practice, but at the time I had to hold my breath to keep from laughing.

So thats yoga. Another thing I'd like to address is rice and sauce dishes. Why are they so good? I don't care which country's people are cooking it, when rice and sauce are combined, it tastes good.

I saw the second half of War of the Worlds last night. I was like a mother the whole time: "Oh my god, that poor little girl! She is going to be so traumatized after this- can you imagine? Oh this is very scary. Cover her eyes! Somebody get the girl, GET THE LITTLE GIRL!" Now I have this strange desire to find Dakota Phanning and wrap her in blankets and rock her and stroke her face. I mean really. Seeing robots suck humans in through their sphincters and coat the earth with bloody veins? That is so not good for a girl.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

more about judo

Since I've recently figured out the basics of judo, i've decided to apply them to many unlikely places. For the untrained, the basics of judo, as I understand them, are:

Turn the opponent's weapon on them.
Take advantage of the opponent's weakness.

Examples
-If a bear sits on you, sit on him!
-If several zombies try to trap you in a room, simply escape from the room and trap the zombies in the room.
-If a karate chop comes at your head, move to the side and karate chop the chopper.

So those are the standard examples. Here are some judo results i'd like to see:

1. If you know a millionaire, become the millionaire!
2. When the train is going slow, slow the rest of the world down so that the "crawler" is in fact an "express" as it was supposed to be.
3. When you buy a new jacket, have the store give you some money too.