Powerpoint Animation has opened up a whole new chapter in my life.

I love the fug girls as much as the next girl. I mean every single woman who sits at a desk all day and may or may not have a blog, just about lives for the fug. At least at certain hours of the day its like a big treat. Like at 2:30. You're not even close to the home stretch yet, and lunch was over an hour ago. Its the witching hour. I just have one addition to the critique of anne hathaway's oscar "dress."

My main issue with Anne Hathaway's dress is that everybody is actually calling it a big black bow. It may technically be a bow because it has two loops and two strands, and a knot in the middle. But the real problem is that it looks like a tuxedo vest slash S&M corset. It looks like she's getting married and singing "Cabaret" at the same. I hate it so much. All she needs is a top hat, a whip, a veil and a man acting like a pony to ride on and laugh maniacally at the wind.

Okay, I thought I was done, but I'm not. Did Anne keep saying to all her friends and family, "Is this bow too big?" "Does it even look like a bow anymore?" and they kept saying "no no Annie! You have to take fashion risks to stand out! Especially since you have no personality and your eyes are like that of an adult Precious Moments doll."

The only thing I can hope for is that young ladies all over the world will start shaving their heads in solidarity with her.

Solidarity for no cause whatsoever.

Only then will reality have truly surpassed fiction in its absurdism, irony, etc. We will truly be living in a dystopian novel.

I would like to say one more thing. When i first saw the headline, next to that picture, it was obscured by someone's arm. I thought it said "Britney Sheds." Which would have been amazing.

15

(Well, it turns out I am able to blog anyways. I thought I would get a firewall b/c my firm firewalls gmail.)

So today the mail room guy came up to me and said, "Fifteen."
I said "Fifteen?"
And he said "Fifteen for Bob Lastname" (name protected).
I said "Fifteen what?"
to which he replied "fifteen."
I looked around for some clues. I saw a box of flowers. Oh!
"Fifteen Roses? Fifteen flowers?"
"No," he said. "Fifteen pieces."
And I said "Pieces of mail?"
And he said, "yeah, fifteen for Bob"
And I said "ok, so you're telling me there are fifteen pieces of mail today for Bob Lastname?" and he said "yeah, they're on his desk."

???????????????

This reminds me of the "what region are we in" lady. For those of you haven't heard this story yet:

A consultant approached my desk with a piece of paper in her hand. She said "What region are we in?" and I said "region?" and she said "yeah." I said "I...I don't understand what you're asking me." She said "Is it New York?" I was flabbergasted. Did she mean "state" when she said "region?" Or was she referring to where her head was at? I tried to take a peek at the paper in her hand. She hid it from my eyes. Then she said "Its New York" and walked away.

Now back to the mail guy b/c I just remembered he's done this kind of thing before. One day (Friday before a holiday) at 12:00 Noon, when picking up the mail, he said "Is this it?" and I said "Is what it?" He said "Is this it for today?" and I said "for mail? Are you asking me if that is the only mail we will send today?" And he said "yeah." I said "No. We will definitely have more mail today." And he said "we close at 3:00" and I said "OH. Ok, I'll let people know."

One more thing about being an admin. Sometimes people call me and ask where "the meeting" is. Or what time "the meeting" is. This would be ok if we were on a tv sitcom about "an office" or if we were children playing "office" and there was only one "meeting" and we all knew where "the files" were, and "the report" was due before 5.

Topics for discussion

1. Will Sooz be able to blog from work still since blogger is now run through google accounts? Probably not. So thanks a lot blogger.

2. I'm going to give it a try, but if you don't hear from me until every other saturday, its b/c that is the only time i can really blog. Great. Really fucking great.

3. On to other topics of conversation, although my blogger bitterness might come through again. Ok, Orange Celebrities. I hate them.

4. Indoor waterparks. How great are they?

5. Memory foam mattresses. I want one. Say a girl wanted to get her hands on some memory foam and just make her own mattress out of it. Whats stopping this girl? Location? So, can somebody point me in the direction of the foam factory? b/c I can't believe they're selling these things for thousands of dollars. I want one! Can't we just figure out what the foam is made out of and make it ourselves?

6. Other things I've tried to make myself: A dress, a jewelry box, fettucine alfredo without any proper ingredients, headbands, jewelry, a book bound entirely in office supplies, a blog. Also my friend knitted me a thong and exercise wristbands out of yarn.

6. Counting.

7. The internet. I want it to go extinct, I'm tired of it now. The New Yorker had this article about how fame is just exposure, not talent or hard work, and I agree and I'm sad that people used to become famous for composing a SYMPHONY IN FOUR ACTS, and now they just show their CHA-CHAS. Boooooooo. OVER IT.

8. I thought the 80's radio station online was the best one, but then I found the 80's love songs one. Its even better, because thats what the 80's excelled at~ love songs. And also scientists, robots and "down under."

9. Two nights ago Pye was sleeping on my stomach and she reached out and gently placed her paw on my cheek. THAT IS VERY CUTE.

10. Seriously, can we go backwards with technology? I don't want to be a part of the world community! I want to live in a small town and work the mill with 20 awesome people and then come home and cook food and talk about the harvest, and never leave the town. I'm just really worried that if we can accomplish EVERYTHING at our desks, we will end up as like juicy pods with wires stuck in us, having virtual experiences and thinking we are alive. I'd rather be turned into a robot then a juicy fleshy pod. At least robots can attempt to climb stairs.

11. What if one morning you saw ASIMO walking out of a starbucks with a tray of four coffees, carrying a bookbag, on his way to class? And if you saw someone go "Hi ASIMO!" And then ASIMO stops in the middle of the crosswalk and goes "Hello Jason." (CRASH)

12. I've noticed that putting in 6 weeks notice at an office is like putting a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer and telling yourself you can eat it in 6 weeks.

13. A great movie is "Some kind of wonderful" with Mary Stuart Masterson and Eric Stoltz. Mostly because she is a phenomenal actress. I'm going to list a few other actresses I like here. Rachel Griffiths, Samantha Morton, Rachel Weisz, Blanchett, Benning, S. Epetha. There's more, but I just think its important that we remember what they can do, as opposed to like ScarJo, Portman, and Sienna Miller. And of course I like, Winslet, Dench, etc. Those British actresses seem to have MILES on us. They just breed em different over there. All we have is Meryl.

Joke of the Year

What did the bra say to the top hat?

"You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift."

(from the Prairie Home Companion)