Pampelmuse

I'm not one for adults with kids toys. Like people who collect "Taz" dolls, or get tattoos of Winnie the Pooh or the Roadrunner. I don't really appreciate seeing Disney stuffed animals in adult rooms. Even keychains are really pushing it.

However, when I was in high school I fell in love with one particular character. Remember that fat German caterpillar from "A Bug's Life" named Heimlich? He really brightened my days; thats all.

I was given Heimlich dolls as gifts. I hide them now, but I still have them. One particular gift was Heimlich the bike horn. I could have (but didn't) fastened it onto my bike handlebars, so that if I needed to warn someone that I was coming, I could just press Heimlich's butt and he would Germanically shout one of three things:

Heimlich here!
Excuse me, pardon me, coming through!
Places to go and things to eat!

This weekend I purchased some pink grapefruit Mentos. Not just out of curiousity and my love of chewy fruity candies, but because the German word for grapefruit is Pampelmuse. Pampelmuse!

I love it.

Shuffle Songs

I tried the old "shuffle ten songs on my iPod Nano trick." This is what I came up with. I've decided to not comment because there are a few (#4!) that are too embarrassing for words. They speak for themselves. And it says a lot.

1. You are the sunshine of my life- Stevie Wonder
2. You're going to need somebody on your bond- Taj Mahal
3. Unclear Channel- The Rachel's
4. Main Title- The Notebook
5. Trust in me- Etta James
6. MacArthur Park- Donna Summer
7. Mr. Brightside- The Killers
8. Area Codes- Ludacris
9. Boogie on Reggae Woman- Stevie Wonder
10. Hallelujah- k.d. lang

topics

My favorite ice dancing pair:
Watanabe and Kido

This was a tough one because I love them all. And those Italians pulled a close second. And by "second" I mean "overall in the book of Sooz", which is judged on three merits:

1. Costumes
2. Falls
3. Drama

The Italian duo didn't speak to each other for two days after he dropped her.
Link for full coverage. And by full coverage I don't mean flesh-toned body nylon.

My chocolates filled with Russian liquor arrived today. They're for the office.

Look at this cat!

1. This is Pye

2. She is so funny! Look at that cute face!

3. Her collar has bling on it.

Cloony or Cool

This morning one of my coworkers asked me to order her a new stapler. Now this has happened before. Her stapler gets jammed and she thinks its time for a new one. Last time when I removed the jammed staple and returned it to her I thought "they're not paper towels."

"Give it to me" I said, and she hesitated. She said "its really broken." I said "ok, lets see."

Sure enough it just has one staple jammed in it. But it is really jammed in there. So after 30 minutes of trying out different "tools" and considering calling facilities, I stood up and said "You know what this thing needs?" I said it like a pro. I held the stapler in my hand, raised it above my head, and slammed it against my desk. My hand was in there. It hurt a lot.

Here's the thing. A lot of people laughed at me. I didn't mean to be funny at all. So what exactly is the value of accidental comedy? Priceless, I guess.

And so today I give you Cloony the Clown: (when I first read this at age 8, I cried)

I'll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown
Who worked in a circus that came through town.
His shoes were too big and his hat was too small,
But he just wasn't, just wasn't funny at all.
He had a trombone to play loud silly tunes,
He had a green dog and a thousand balloons.
He was floppy and sloppy and skinny and tall,
But he just wasn't, just wasn't funny at all.
And every time he did a trick,
Everyone felt a little sick.
And every time he told a joke,
Folks sighed as if their hearts were broke.
And every time he lost a shoe,
Everyone looked awfully blue.
And every time he stood on his head,
Everyone screamed, "Go back to bed!"
And every time he made a leap,
Everybody fell asleep.
And every time he ate his tie,
Everyone began to cry.
And Cloony could not make any money
Simply because he was not funny.
One day he said, "I'll tell this town
How it feels to be an unfunny clown."
And he told them all why he looked so sad,
And he told them all why he felt so bad.
He told of Pain and Rain and Cold,
He told of Darkness in his soul,
And after he finished his tale of woe,
Did everyone cry? Oh no, no, no,
They laughed until they shook the trees
With "Hah-Hah-Hahs" and "Hee-Hee-Hees."
They laughed with howls and yowls and shrieks,
They laughed all day, they laughed all week,
They laughed until they had a fit,
They laughed until their jackets split.
The laughter spread for miles around
To every city, every town,
Over mountains, 'cross the sea,
From Saint Tropez to Mun San Nee.
And soon the whole world rang with laughter,
Lasting till forever after,
While Cloony stood in the circus tent,
With his head drooped low and his shoulders bent.
And he said,"THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT -
I'M FUNNY JUST BY ACCIDENT."
And while the world laughed outside.
Cloony the Clown sat down and cried.

by Shel Silverstein

hehhhehehehe

Worker #1: Yeah, maybe he wasn't the best intern.
Worker #2: How was I supposed to know he'd go off his meds?
Worker #1: He sure did love opening mail, though.
Worker #2: Yeah. He sure did love opening mail.