All I gotta say is

I need a freaking vacation. That's it. Nothing hilarious. Nothing unbelievable.

You know how being unamazing can be so depressing? Like, "ok here I am on this subway. Again." And "wow, which flavor of coffee should I squirt into the mug today?"

Also, I am dissatisfied with myself for never having rioted. Ever.

And also I don't like the way certain orthodox Jewish males look at me. It is really not my fault. Whatever it is, could they stop looking at me like that? I know I have fake blonde hair and I wear pants, but I am really not so bad on the inside!

I would like to write a letter to Donald Trump asking him for one goddamn gold candlestick. Just one. I would melt it, make myself a toof, and give the rest to a charity.

I don't like the ads on the subway that make fun of us for having to stand. That is just mean. Courvoisier, those yellow phone books, Sex and the City DVD collection, and Manhattan Mini Storage. Its not cute. Its not funny. It just makes me hate their product.

When I was young, lots of doctors and nurses had to hold me down to give me the shots. Now I like to calmly watch the needle go in. Whats THAT all about?