Abrasive tunes

While getting coffee this morning I was bombarded by THE WORST music I have ever heard. It sounded like somebody was trying to sing a bad song. Like when one of your friends is doing an impression of somebody who is always off key and they also don't particularly like the person, so they actually end up acting a bit like Rosie O'Donnell in "Riding the Bus With My Sister."
You know the part of the Jackson 5 Christmas song "Santa Claus is coming to town" where it sounds like a broken record because they just keep going "saaaaaaanta claus is comin to ta-oon" over and over again? You may associate it with the time you were shopping in K-Mart for Freesia scented shower gel because its your Michigan cousins' favorite scent. Every time you hear it you probably wonder if there is a problem with the CD. But thats just how the song goes. Regardless, it sounds WAY better in Michael's tiny little voice, and at that unusual quick pace. It still feels like getting beaten by a blunt object, but at least the beating is quick and accurate. In the case of this morning's remake, the voice was that of some male rocker. Don't know who. He is drawing out that Saaaaaanta part and (I DON'T KNOW!) Trying to riff? Like not just holding out one note (which was bad), but exploring the musical scale within that flat little a sound. And then scraping his voice, like he thought he was Tom Waits. He wasn't. This, as opposed to the quick blunt-object-beating of the Jacksons' version, felt like somebody was taking that same bat (I picture a splintered, bloody, wooden club) and grinding first my finger, than scraping my face, then deciding to wallop my booty, twisting into my nose until it breaks, and then giving the bloody wound a few splinters for good measure.
It reminded me of the new McDonalds commercial where they sing "I'm Ronald McDonald and I'm lov-ing-it!" And its all one note and they definitely focus on pronouncing "lovING" which is a curious departure from their previous "lovin' it." I can just picture the ad meeting.

Bill: But what about Ronald? I don't know why we ever let go of that.
(Miranda looks at Tim with eyes rolled. Bill never lets "Ronald" go)
Tim: Well, how do you propose we bring him back?
Miranda: I really don't want to lose the "I'm lovin' it." Its so "now."
Bill: We don't have to lose that! We just combine the two. My friend Jojo is a composer, I'll have him come in and work something up.
(Jojo enters in a flowery hat and a carry-keyboard and hits one key, over and over and over again, dancing like Rosie O'Donnell in Riding the Bus With my Sister.)